me while watching a movie in the theater: pays attention the whole time and doesn't even get up to go to the bathroom to keep from missing anything

and then it hits me why it was a terrible idea to cut today...seeing my bf in a few hours, I need to scheduled a minor surgical procedure soon, going to this rope class where I assume I will be tied up annnndddd should of taken a shower before hand shit. I'm so tired now. I don't feel all that much better...I just feel sick, dirty, fat, ugly and untalented. I wish I could escape these feelings. I feel so disconnected from everything. I ugh hate myself so much. I just wish I could talk to someone. I feel like there is nothing good about me...I feel so ugly (I know I'm not deformed and have it good but I feel like a monster), I feel like my personality is the worst and mean and boring and weird, and I feel like my talents are fleeting...and no one likes my art. I just feel so fucking worthless right now. I hate this time of day....want to just crawl into a hole.