|—||Sena Jeter Naslund, Four Spirits (via larmoyante)|
i express my emotions in long groans at different octaves
No one ever listens to me…I have nothing left of myself to give and people still asks for more, take my kindness…all of my emotional energy and then leave once they do not need me anymore. I have no energy to go on anymore…nothing is keeping me here…I realize whatever is wrong with my head is never going to get better…because I have been battling “depression” for at least 10yrs and I’ve only gotten worse. Though I think it’s much more than depression, I believe I either have ptsd (actually I’m pretty fucking sure I have ptsd…Every time someone yells even as a joke I am terribly frightened and I don’t know why, I cower in fear and block as if I were about to be hit whenever I make someone mad, I am ridiculously easily startled, I hate fireworks, I depersonalize A LOT, I had a decent childhood when my dad wasn’t around but whenever I think back to it the emotions that come up are usually fear…having to lie and being “adult” enough to understand why it was important that I lie) or bipolar disorder and those never get better either..how can my pdoc and family be so blind…I am just written off as a lazy spoiled asshole with a bad temper. I hope I get the energy to start therapy again…
That cat is not even playful, he is downright -concerned- about this fucking penguin aelinawhwa
CAT: ARE YOU OKAY SMALL WIBBLY ANIMAL
S-sir? Sir, what are you-
Sir, are you-
Sir, please stop.
Are you okay?
I can’t remember if I blogged this or not but oh my fucking cute.
I’ve become so apathetic..the months pass by…the years and I’m just not getting better. People think I’m lying, a mess, a cute puppy dog that will feel better soon, they don’t listen to me, they don’t really want to know. I am just so fucking tired, I really don’t know what’s keeping me here anymore…my record collection? action figure collection? sex? drugs? The answer does not matter because it is nothing. Most of the time I truly wish someone would kill me because I am too much of a coward.